


A Hundred Words To Break Your Heart

by Synnerxx



Category: Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Dark, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, M/M, Manipulation, Physical Abuse, Rape, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-02
Updated: 2010-01-02
Packaged: 2018-07-16 10:32:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7264384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spinner loves Jay. No matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hundred Words To Break Your Heart

**Forsaken**

Spinner tried not to take people for granted. He knew what it felt like to be unappreciated, ignored. So when Jay started to forsake his feelings and ignore him, he tried to stand up to him, tell him he was still here. Jay merely laughed and pushed him aside like a useless toy.

The pain of being forsaken was nothing compared to the pain Spinner knew he would feel if Jay left him, so he faked a smile, pretended there was nothing wrong.

He pretended that every time Jay rejected him in favor of someone else, it didn't hurt.

**Cruel**

Jay didn't mean to hurt Spinner like he did, it was just so easy to ignore the other boy's feelings and do whatever he wanted. Maybe some thought it was cruel of him to flaunt his relationships with other people, which were purely sexual, in Spinner's face, but did he care?

He just didn't care that Spinner had that haunted, hurt look in his eyes every time he described another sexual conquer to him every time they were in bed together, didn't notice the way Spinner's eyes were red and puffy the next morning. 

Spinner's pain didn't matter to him.

**Bleed**

The first time he hit Spinner, the blood trickled down from the corner of his mouth, bright crimson against pale white. Jay had never seen anything more beautiful. 

Spinner stared up at him from the floor and when Jay tried to touch him, he jerked away, afraid. Jay had laughed and roughly shoved his jeans and boxers down to his knees, taking his hard cock of of his own and thrusting hard and deep into the screaming body below him.

The blood flowed faster, coating the back of Spinner's thighs and Jay's cock. Never had Jay seen anything more beautiful.

**Goodbye**

When Spinner told him goodbye, he assumed that he would be back soon enough. There was no way that Spinner could live without him. That's what Jay believed. Spinner believed it too, having been told it at least once a day by the very person that was supposed to love him.

Instead it seemed that all Jay loved was hurting him. Making him feel pain. Spinner had no idea why. He loved Jay. He would always love Jay, but there comes a time when you have to say goodbye, and this was Spinner's time.

He was back a week later.

**Infidelity**

Spinner knew Jay cheated on him. Jay never bothered to hide it. He didn't care if Spinner walked in on him and whoever was sharing his bed that night.

He went so far as to fuck someone then, go to Spinner, smelling like sex and a stranger. Spinner never said a word. After all, Jay loved him, right? No one else but him. Who cared if he was unfaithful? Spinner needed him and Jay loved him. 

God forbid Spinner look at someone else though. Jay still thought he was the most beautiful when his pale skin was stained with blood.

**Bitter**

Spinner tried not to be bitter when his friends talked about their relationships. When Marco told him about some sweet, romantic date that he had with Dylan. When Paige talked about a nice gesture from Alex. He tried to keep the sarcastic comments to himself, but sometimes he wished he could tell his friends about something kind Jay had done for him.

He supposed the only kind gesture that Jay would ever do for him would be to not hit him for one night, and even that seemed like too much to ask for.

Bitter was taste he's used to.

**Untruth >/b>**

**Jay lied to Spinner simply because Spinner believed whatever he told him, even if he knew it to be an untruth. He never said anything, never called Jay out on it. Jay did it because he could, because he got away with it, but mostly because it was another way to hurt Spinner.**

**The biggest lie he had told Spinner was the one where he said I love you. Spinner had looked happy, but how could Jay love someone that was so pathetic? Jay was doing him a favor by sticking around. No one would want Spinner if he didn't.**

****Fear** **

**No one should have to fear the person that said they loved them. Spinner knew that in his head, but it was another matter to get his heart to believe that. He loved Jay, but he was afraid of him.**

**Afraid of Jay's fists, the fury in those blue eyes, but it was his fault that Jay hit him. He needed to be taught a lesson in obeying Jay.**

**Whenever they put on a show of being the perfect couple, his friends always wondered, but never bothered asking, about the shadow of fear that clouded his eyes when Jay smiled.**

****Unrequited** **

**Spinner had the distinct feeling that Jay didn't love him anymore, if he ever had. It hurt, but he knew he couldn't leave. The strange and sick part of him didn't even want to. He still loved Jay, despite everything he did to him. Loved him despite the bruises, blood, scratches, bite marks, and the kisses that meant nothing to Jay and everything to Spinner.**

**Unrequited love hurt, but Spinner knew it would hurt worse to leave Jay. To never be by his side again. He couldn't deal with that. At least this was a pain he was used to.**

****Empty** **

**The empty feeling that resided in his chest after his discovery that Jay didn't love him made him wonder. Shouldn't he feel something when Jay kissed him, stripped them both, and fucked him? Feel something when Jay was done, his back to Spinner, falling asleep quickly? He wanted to feel something, anything, but there was nothing. He was empty, hollow.**

**He couldn't feel anything. There was nothing. It was almost like his heart was missing. He knew it was. Jay had stolen it a long time ago and never bothered to give it back, even when he didn't want it.**

****Poison** **

**The only one that knew about the abuse he was suffering at Jay's hands was Craig. He hadn't told him, but Craig recognized the signs. He had lived through the physical and emotional abuse too, at the hands of his father.**

**He had told Spinner that Jay was a toxic person, poison to Spinner. He told him that he needed to get away. He needed to leave Jay. Spinner looked at him, eyes filled with pain, telling him he couldn't. He still loved Jay despite everything.**

**Craig said it didn't matter, that if he didn't leave, it was all over.**

****Cry** **

**Spinner hated crying, but it seemed he was doing that more and more these days. It was always because of Jay. Jay liked it when he knew he made Spinner cry, almost as much as he liked it when Spinner bled for him.**

**The tears streamed down his face. He didn't bother to wipe them away as he cleaned the blood from his face and stomach. Jay had used the knife this time on his chest and stomach. The cuts weren't deep, but painful.**

**The tears came faster, harder and he sagged against the counter, face buried in his hands.**

****Scar** **

**Jay gave him both emotional scars and physical ones. Spinner wasn't sure which hurt more. The physical ones would heal eventually, but the emotional ones never did. The pain never fully went away. It lived in his chest, where his heart was supposed to be.**

**It left him hollow and he didn't know how to feel when Jay approached him and told him I love you. He knew Jay didn't mean it. It hurt so bad to know that.**

**He knew that though he wasn't happy, he would never leave Jay. After all, who would want him if Jay didn't?**

****Rejection** **

**Spinner had gone to Jay that night, offering whatever Jay wanted. Jay rejected him in front of everyone. It was humiliating and Spinner felt horrible. He lay in bed, trying to control his pain. The friends of Jay's laughed and mocked him. Only Sean and Towerz said nothing and didn't laugh.**

**They knew how Jay treated Spinner. Not all of it and not to what extent, but they could see the pain and sadness that swirled in Spinner's eyes. They noticed the way Spinner never smiled a true smile anymore.**

**Only they knew how bad Jay's rejection had hurt Spinner.**

****Alone** **

**Spinner hated sleeping alone. The bed was too big for one person and Spinner always felt small in it when Jay left him by himself for reason.**

**Spinner also hated being alone for long periods of time. He was one of those people that craved human contact. Jay knew this, often using it as a punishment. He took to locking Spinner in the bedroom and not letting him out for hours on end because Spinner had disobeyed or disrespected him. Whatever reason he could come up with.**

**He waited until Spinner was crying and begging before he let him out.**

****Broken** **

**Jay liked this broken version of Spinner. He remembered a time when Spinner had been happy, smiled, and laughed. He much preferred this Spinner. The one that had a haunted look in his eyes, flinched every time he raised a hand.**

**He was so pretty when he was broken and bloodstained.**

**Just thinking about it made Jay hard. He found Spinner in the bathroom and shoved him against counter, hands shoving his pants down. He wasted little time in preparing him, thrusting his cock into Spinner. They faced the mirror and Jay watched the broken look play across Spinner's face.**

****Loss** **

**As much as Jay hurt him, didn't love him, Spinner knew that if he ever lost Jay completely, his life would be meaningless. Even if Jay didn't even pretend to love him anymore, he still came back to play with and torment Spinner. He gave Spinner a reason to love him, even if it was just Spinner's own sick mind that kept supplying the twisted reasons.**

**He knew that the loss of Jay would kill him. It would be too painful for him to deal with. There would be no one to turn to because without Jay, he was nothing.**

****Ache** **

**Spinner had grown use to the dull ache that throbbed inside his chest every time he saw Jay with someone else. He kept his mouth shut because he knew that would make Jay angry if he said anything. He was tired of having bruises.**

**Pain was something he was very familiar with, like an old acquaintance that you didn't like, but tolerated. Every moment that Jay was with someone else just made the ache become sharper and more painful.**

**Jay seemed to know this as he smirked at him from the living room where he had some party going on.**

****Secrets** **

**People say that a strong, healthy relationship is based on trust and honesty. Those two things were certainly lacking in their relationship. Jay was neither honest nor trustworthy, though Spinner trusted him with his life most days.**

**He trusted Jay to stop hitting him at the right point, trusted Jay to know when enough was enough.**

**Jay might have been honest at one point in their relationship, but he didn't see the point now. It almost wasn't fun to keep Spinner around, but he was so pretty when he was in pain, blood coloring his pale skin a deep crimson.**

****Writer's Choice: Death** **

**Tonight the beating had been particularly savage. The reason that Jay gave for it? Spinner had been apparently checking out Sean and Jay hadn't liked that. Really, all Spinner had done was smile when Sean had been talking to him, but it was enough to set Jay off.**

**Sometimes, Spinner longed for death. Longed to die just so he wouldn't have to deal with the blood and the scars. Everything hurt and death would numb him. He wouldn't have to feel anymore, but he would never commit suicide. Not enough courage to, though he had contemplated it more than once.**


End file.
